At Discovery & Adventure Zone Inc. (DAZI), we take a unique approach to conflict resolution that does not rely on requiring children to say “sorry.” While apologies are often seen as the polite thing to do, we believe that insisting on them can teach the wrong lessons. A forced “sorry” is, at best, a hollow gesture and, at worst, an encouragement to lie. A child who is not truly sorry may say the words simply to comply with an adult’s demand, learning that the words alone can absolve them of responsibility. We reject the notion of “sorry” as a “get out of jail free” card and instead focus on fostering genuine accountability, empathy, and problem-solving skills.
When a conflict arises, we prioritize having a meaningful conversation with the children involved. Our educators guide them in understanding what happened, why it happened, and how it affected everyone involved. This process is not about assigning blame but about fostering reflection. For example, if one child knocks over another child’s block tower, we don’t simply demand an apology. Instead, we discuss the situation: “How do you think your friend felt when their tower was knocked down? What could we do to make it better?” By engaging children in this way, we help them recognize the impact of their actions and explore alternative ways to handle similar situations in the future.
Repairing relationships is a key part of this process. Instead of relying on words, we focus on actions. A child might help rebuild the block tower they knocked over or fetch an ice pack if someone is hurt. These actions teach children that making amends is about more than just saying the right thing; it’s about actively contributing to resolving the situation and restoring trust. This approach not only fosters empathy but also helps children develop practical problem-solving skills that will serve them throughout their lives.
Our reflection doesn’t stop with the children. As educators, we take the time to examine the environment and routines to understand how they may have contributed to the conflict. Were there enough toys available to prevent competition? Is the layout of a play center inviting cooperative play, or is it encouraging frustration and crowding? Could we adjust the flow of activities to reduce stress or overstimulation? By addressing these questions, we create an environment that sets children up for success and minimizes the likelihood of similar issues arising in the future.
This philosophy aligns with our broader commitment to fostering emotional intelligence and accountability in children. When children are not pressured to say something they don’t mean, they learn to value honesty and authenticity. They develop the ability to express their feelings, understand the perspectives of others, and take meaningful steps to resolve conflicts. Over time, we find that children begin to offer genuine apologies on their own, not because they are required to, but because they truly want to repair their relationships and show care for their peers.
At DAZI, we view every conflict as an opportunity for growth and learning. By moving beyond the automatic “sorry,” we nurture a community where children feel supported in their emotional development and empowered to take responsibility for their actions. In doing so, we are not just helping children navigate their early years but laying the groundwork for a lifetime of empathy, honesty, and thoughtful interactions.
Rosetta Sanders
